03. going with the flow ☁️
on Monday evening, i was walking around Damansara Uptown with Shawn when i felt the strangest twinge in my right foot. almost as though a bug had scuttled over my foot and i’d instinctively jerked it up… but there was nothing there.
little did I know that would herald the start of a Lesson in doing less and letting go.
i’ve never had a foot injury of this nature before, so i wasn’t sure what to do. Shawn brought me to a 跌打医馆 (Tit Dar). the 师父 (sifu) diagnosed it as a “mild case of joint inflammation”, bandaged it up with medicine, and sent us on our merry way.
this week was been a bit of a doozy — lots of moving parts, changes, things to get used to — so i tried to take it all in stride (pun not intended). resetting our Circadian rhythm, learning to enjoy waking up at 6am each day, dealing with the water shortage, (finally) getting bloodwork done for my PCOS diagnosis, easing back into the Outside World… i’d never felt prouder of clocking in 5,000+ steps every day, even though my foot wasn’t getting any better.
this morning, i woke up at 7:45am — a little later than usual — and massaged my foot in bed. i sent it loving, nourishing thoughts, thinking (hoping) that it would help.
turns out, it was the absolute WORST thing to do. now, my foot is extra swollen, and the pain has ballooned back to pre-Tit Dar levels. “sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing,” Shawn said, as he bandaged my foot once again. it’s something i find almost impossible to fathom… and a Lesson i desperately need to learn.
this need to “do”, to rush, to manipulate things to happen in a certain way, by a certain time… it has been a part of me for as long as i can remember. “in my defense, I have none / for never leaving well enough alone,” Taylor Swift once poetically sang. i fully concur. why can’t i trust things will turn out fine without my meddling in it?
from over-exfoliating my skin to the point of breakouts, to over-engineering my pitch deck for potential clients… 🥵 the Lesson rings clear time and time again:
go with the flow. go with the flow. go with the flow.
honestly, what does that even mean? according to my handy new ✨screensaver✨ (thx @chopra), the opposite of Flow is Force. so at its core, to go with the Flow is to stop FORCING things to happen.
stop forcing my body to heal faster. stop forcing my skin to acclimatize to products. stop forcing clients, pitches, spending, healing… anything that takes MAGIC + TIME. 🔮 two things that cannot be forced, no matter how hard i try.
in fact, the only time that everything flowed smoothly this week was when i trusted in the process and DIDN’T try. it was Friday, and we’d just run our first #EmpathyCircles of four for an international client. it was the most beautiful session — everyone was so open and vulnerable and warm, and they really opened up to each other and formed some profound connections. i fell sick the day before, so i didn’t have a chance to over-prepare or second-guess anything… i just showed up. and it was perfect. ✨
what would my life look like if i learned to go with the flow?
i would check in with myself more. create more room in the day for stillness, solitude, reflection. i would stop fixating on what’s “wrong”, and focus more on what’s “right”. i would stay in the Present. i would show up, fully — wholly — authentically. flowing from each moment to the next. free. happy. me. ☁️
i understand now why my symbol for this secret Sunday newsletter is a cloud:
at first i thought it was because it was cute and fluffy and symbolic of calm or wtv, but now, i see as a state to aspire toward. a cloud doesn’t force or judge or cling to any outcome. it just flows — literally. following the whims of the winds, the rain, the seas.
when the Sun warms it too much, it soaks up water from the Ocean. when it gets too full, it allows itself to cry. a cloud doesn’t try to hold back its tears or switch directions when it gets too hot. it just allows itself to go through the motions.
what would it be like, to be as Free as a cloud? i’m tearing up just thinking about it. freedom. this is true freedom. not trying to engineer or force anything, but just opening myself up to the lessons and beauty of Life as it comes.
that is my Work. the Work isn’t to do visualizations or draw circles or chant 108 times each morning. that is the means… the end is to keep myself open. to keep myself in the highest possible energetic state, so that i can welcome, and accept, and manifest. so that i can go with the Flow. ☁️
that is the hardest work there is. but by god, it feels so right.
i feel like there is magic in the air today, gently easing & guiding me to this realization. i’m so grateful to have arrived. namaste 🙏
okay! so today’s edition is a little “out there” — it’s an excerpt from my journal today, when i marinaded on the concept of “Flow” and “doing less” and “surrender” and all that good stuff for a solid two hours. i genuinely believe that this is one of the more deep-seated Lessons of my lifetime — learning to let things be, let things go, and let things flow. it is so incredibly difficult for me, but i’m learning new ways to do so everyday. hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my ongoing journey with spirituality! 💛
if it resonates, as always, i’d love to hear your thoughts :)